Hearing Yourself on the Radio

Why is it so hard to listen to yourself play? The ongoing evaluation of one's own performance is overpowering. I have not met a performer in my life, who has enjoyed listening to his or her own playing as any other person would. It is as if the entire piece is stacked with problems, mistakes, and conceptual inconsistencies. I wonder, how I would listen to a recording not knowing that it was my own playing. I might actually end up quite liking it, and probably rather agreeing with many interpretation decisions. I am still waiting for this practical joke to be played on me! It might be quite a revelation. 

In the meantime I will keep listening to my own playing, because the recording - an opportunity many might have loved to take advantage of in the past - is the greatest teacher I could ever imagine. 

I am writing this just hours away from the radio broadcast of the show The Crumb Kaleidoscope in Germany, and am anxiously awaiting the impressions I might have.

George Crumb: Twin Suns